Prince Harry has opened up about his ongoing grief over the death of his mother, Princess Diana, and the ways in which he processed his emotions.
The Duke of Sussex spoke candidly about his mother’s passing during his 60 minutes interview with Anderson Cooper on Sunday, January 8, ahead of the release of his revealing memoir Replacement on Tuesday, January 10.
During the conversation, the duke revealed that he only cried once after his mother’s death, when his mother’s coffin “actually sank into the ground”, and that he later turned to experimental drugs to help him deal with his emotions. .
“That was the first time I really cried. Yeah, there was never another time,” she said.
His inability to cry bothered him, according to Prince Harry, who told Cooper everything he did to tap into his grief after his mother’s death in August 1997, when he was just 12 years old.
According to Prince Harry, he watched videos of the late Princess of Wales online hoping they would make him cry.
“There was this weight on my chest that I felt for so many years that I could never cry. So I was constantly trying to find a way to cry, but even sitting on my couch and going through all the memories I could muster about my mother. And sometimes I would watch videos online,” she recalled.
Prince Harry told Cooper that he also turned to alcohol to cope, and later to therapy and experimental drugs, such as “psychedelics, ayahuasca, psilocybin, mushrooms.”
According to Harry, the drugs helped him come to terms with his pain and his inability to cry.
He said: “I would never recommend people do this recreationally. But doing it with the right people if you’re going through a great deal of loss or grief or trauma, then these things have a way of working like medicine.
“For me, they cleaned the windshield, the windshield, the misery of loss. They took away that idea that I had in my head that she needed to cry to show my mother that I missed her. When in reality, all she wanted was for me to be happy.”
Elsewhere in the interview, Prince Harry spoke about his and his brother Prince William’s disbelief over their mother’s death, with the duke revealing that, for “many years,” he and the Prince of Wales” They refused to accept that she was gone.” and he believed that she was simply hiding somewhere.
“For a long time, I just refused to accept that she was gone. Um, partly, you know, she would never do this to us, but also partly, maybe this is all part of a plan,” Harry told Cooper, adding that he assumed his mother had been missing for a while and that “That she would call us and we would go meet her.”
He continued: “William and I also talked about it. He had similar thoughts”.
When Harry was 20 years old, he asked to see the police report on the car accident that killed his mother. He told Cooper that he wanted to see the police report and photos as “proof” that his mother was gone.
“Mostly test. Proof that she was in the car. Proof that she was hurt. And proof that the same paparazzi who chased her into the tunnel were the ones who were taking pictures of her, pictures of her lying half dead in the back seat of the car,” she said.
Despite the test, Harry told Cooper that it wasn’t until he was 23 years old and returned to the Paris tunnel where his mother had been killed in a car accident, that he fully believed that she had died.